I’ve smoked for a long time and I hate it. I have no illusions left about it. I generally look after my health pretty well, eat healthy, work out etc, and every time I have a cigarette I feel disgusted and like I’m slowly killing myself. It’s not so much the physical difficulties of withdrawal that I can’t handle - it’s more like smoking is ingrained in my identity, like I can’t conceive of myself as a non-smoker or going through life without having it as a crutch. I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on re-orienting psychologically towards being a non-smoker? I’ve managed to cut down a lot but I can’t seem to let myself give it up completely no matter how much I want to.
I’m going through a similar thing with alcohol and nic vapes. I finally convinced myself that continued personal growth was impossible (for me) if I couldn’t get a handle on them. I realized these things were a crutch and inhibiting me from living the life I wanted. And I finally refused to allow that any longer. I know it’s not the same as nicotine but alcohol was a huge part of my identity. But … so many aspects of my identity have already been discarded from my life… some withered away and some I had to intentionally destroy. Getting rid of one more is no big deal.
Perhaps you could search inside for a neglected part of your identity to tend to. That’s what I’m doing. Long-forgotten shoots are sprouting and it feels good to cultivate them instead of spending my precious time reinforcing the self-destructive parts of me. I know it’s easier said (and thought) than done. Best of luck.
PS - this is day 4 of no alcohol for me and while I’ve gone longer without it in the past, I’ve always kinda known I’d eventually drink again. This is the first time I’ve really felt like: if I never drink again that would suit me just fine.