As a Dad who doesn’t want more pets, I’d just like to clear something up.
We don’t dislike animals. Our heart doesn’t grow three sizes when you bring one home and catch us cuddling with it two days later.
I fucking LOVE animals, and I will cuddle the fuck out of anything that would let me, but I also know that nobody else in the house will make sure it’s fed and cleaned up after. So, no you can’t bring another animal home because I’ve already got enough on my plate, but when you do it anyway, be prepared for it to be MY little buddy.
Exactly. I will add that as much as I love animals I really hate the loss of them to the point I basically don’t want to get them each time. All the get lots of animals folks seem super heartless in some ways. Yeah your sad but not I never want to go through it again sad. I also feel guilty that I can never give the animals quite enough. Not enough walkies. Not giving them enough attention.
You gotta move on through the grief, accept that they’re no longer with you, but that you gave them the best life you could. And maybe realize that giving another pet a good life doesn’t mean you’re replacing or forgetting your last one. Some people are just better at it than others, they aren’t being heartless.
That said, people who get a new dog a week or two after their previous one died are insane to me. That just feels disrespectful.
We got a new cat a week after our very old one died because the apartment was so achingly empty without her. She’d basically raised our kids and was perfect in every way. She was ill for long enough at the end for us to take time telling her that, and grieve while caring for her and loving on her and waiting until the first available time for the home vet to come so she wouldn’t have to go anywhere. And whisper it again into her fur as she took her last breath.
Afterward we looked around at all the things we had to make her comfortable and realized that while no one could ever replace her, there were other old cats sitting in shelter cages who needed love too.
We went to the city shelter and wound up with a cat who is disabled, can’t jump and needed all her teeth extracted. So we paid for that, and brought her home.
Soon after, we somehow also ended up with a feisty stray kitten.
Miss Perfection’s ashes are on a shelf, and I tear up when they catch my eye, but the misfits give us an outlet for all the love she taught us.
but that you gave them the best life you could. And maybe realize that giving another pet a good life doesn’t mean you’re replacing or forgetting your last one.
I’ve told myself that the cats under my care are the top 1% of the 1% of animals. I would go as far as saying that they have it better than most of the 8B people on this planet. They have comfort, safety, abundance, and entertainment. I go the extra mile for them to ensure that they have a high quality of life.
When I have gotten another cat after one died, it was never a replacement. It was giving a home to cat who needed one. A cat sitting in a shelter waiting for their chance. And I tend to adopt animals that are harder to place due to age or other factors (e.g. “does not get along with dogs or kids”) that are a non-issue for me.
Losing them is hard, but not adopting them doesn’t prevent their eventual death. It just means that the death happens “off camera,” and quite possibly much sooner.
When I have gotten another cat after one died, it was never a replacement. It was giving a home to cat who needed one. A cat sitting in a shelter waiting for their chance. And I tend to adopt animals that are harder to place due to age or other factors (e.g. “does not get along with dogs or kids”) that are a non-issue for me.
This is how I operate too. Any cat in my care is me doing my part, never getting another animal because it would destroy the integrity of the legacy of the one I had previously?.. Kinda seems self-defeating.
My current familiar is Nessa, a temperamental slightly-wild girl who will hard bite you if you don’t know what you’re doing with her, but I’ve held cats for almost 20 years now and I know what to do and what not to do to keep her from biting me. Someone else’s house? Some meathead’s house? A big house full of kids? She’d get thrown out in a month.
And calling people that get another animal heartless isn’t?
Anyway, it was meant as a commentary on how people can grieve but still get new pets. I wasn’t commanding them to grieve this way. Maybe “you gotta” was a poor choice of words.
Moving through the grief is different than deciding to take on another pet. You do what you want with your heart, and I’ll do what I want with mine, thanks.
Yeah, the guilt for not give them enough never left you. I’d like to move on, but even after many years, even after my family added another cat to our family, I still fear for the worst.
Here I am. Didn’t want animal because I struggle mentally a lot and I know I don’t have vapacity to keep them occupied. Partner finally understood and backed off just for her mom to put us in situayion where either we takr her cat or it ends in shelter. Cat my partner spent a lot of her life with. >_<
Talking to another mom about our menageries on school trip.
Me: wow! She takes care of all those reptiles?! I can’t even get the fish fed or litter box cleaned over here
Her: oh, no. Not at all. By “she has,” I mean “I care for”
Im right there with you. I didnt want our second dog. My wife was certain she did. Now his seperation anxiety is so bad that hes on puppy prozac and needs something cleaned up every day because we both work. And guess whos doing all the feeding, cleaning, medicine, and baths? Guess who wants to get rid of him? And guess who he follows around and will literally sit on?
As a Dad who doesn’t want more pets, I’d just like to clear something up.
We don’t dislike animals. Our heart doesn’t grow three sizes when you bring one home and catch us cuddling with it two days later.
I fucking LOVE animals, and I will cuddle the fuck out of anything that would let me, but I also know that nobody else in the house will make sure it’s fed and cleaned up after. So, no you can’t bring another animal home because I’ve already got enough on my plate, but when you do it anyway, be prepared for it to be MY little buddy.
Obligatory pic of one of my 4 little buddies.
I love your little buddy.
Exactly. I will add that as much as I love animals I really hate the loss of them to the point I basically don’t want to get them each time. All the get lots of animals folks seem super heartless in some ways. Yeah your sad but not I never want to go through it again sad. I also feel guilty that I can never give the animals quite enough. Not enough walkies. Not giving them enough attention.
You gotta move on through the grief, accept that they’re no longer with you, but that you gave them the best life you could. And maybe realize that giving another pet a good life doesn’t mean you’re replacing or forgetting your last one. Some people are just better at it than others, they aren’t being heartless.
That said, people who get a new dog a week or two after their previous one died are insane to me. That just feels disrespectful.
We got a new cat a week after our very old one died because the apartment was so achingly empty without her. She’d basically raised our kids and was perfect in every way. She was ill for long enough at the end for us to take time telling her that, and grieve while caring for her and loving on her and waiting until the first available time for the home vet to come so she wouldn’t have to go anywhere. And whisper it again into her fur as she took her last breath.
Afterward we looked around at all the things we had to make her comfortable and realized that while no one could ever replace her, there were other old cats sitting in shelter cages who needed love too.
We went to the city shelter and wound up with a cat who is disabled, can’t jump and needed all her teeth extracted. So we paid for that, and brought her home.
Soon after, we somehow also ended up with a feisty stray kitten.
Miss Perfection’s ashes are on a shelf, and I tear up when they catch my eye, but the misfits give us an outlet for all the love she taught us.
I’ve told myself that the cats under my care are the top 1% of the 1% of animals. I would go as far as saying that they have it better than most of the 8B people on this planet. They have comfort, safety, abundance, and entertainment. I go the extra mile for them to ensure that they have a high quality of life.
When I have gotten another cat after one died, it was never a replacement. It was giving a home to cat who needed one. A cat sitting in a shelter waiting for their chance. And I tend to adopt animals that are harder to place due to age or other factors (e.g. “does not get along with dogs or kids”) that are a non-issue for me.
Losing them is hard, but not adopting them doesn’t prevent their eventual death. It just means that the death happens “off camera,” and quite possibly much sooner.
This is how I operate too. Any cat in my care is me doing my part, never getting another animal because it would destroy the integrity of the legacy of the one I had previously?.. Kinda seems self-defeating.
My current familiar is Nessa, a temperamental slightly-wild girl who will hard bite you if you don’t know what you’re doing with her, but I’ve held cats for almost 20 years now and I know what to do and what not to do to keep her from biting me. Someone else’s house? Some meathead’s house? A big house full of kids? She’d get thrown out in a month.
Telling others how to grieve is disrespectful.
And calling people that get another animal heartless isn’t?
Anyway, it was meant as a commentary on how people can grieve but still get new pets. I wasn’t commanding them to grieve this way. Maybe “you gotta” was a poor choice of words.
Moving through the grief is different than deciding to take on another pet. You do what you want with your heart, and I’ll do what I want with mine, thanks.
Yeah, the guilt for not give them enough never left you. I’d like to move on, but even after many years, even after my family added another cat to our family, I still fear for the worst.
Here I am. Didn’t want animal because I struggle mentally a lot and I know I don’t have vapacity to keep them occupied. Partner finally understood and backed off just for her mom to put us in situayion where either we takr her cat or it ends in shelter. Cat my partner spent a lot of her life with. >_<
Was about to make this point as well but you nailed it. I don’t want to bring the pet home because I KNOW I will love it.
Plus, it’s going to die one day, and that really sucks.
Or you end up spending hundreds to make sure it doesn’t, and then it still dies anyway.
hundreds? more like thousands…
Everything dies and I think we should try and frame death as natural and we provide great lives for our pets.
It’s not heartless to want to then give another pet a great home.
I also added a rule.
Exclusive naming rights of all pets brought into the house.
If you’re going to ignore me, there will be consequences.
Isn’t that right cuntdestroyer?
Talking to another mom about our menageries on school trip. Me: wow! She takes care of all those reptiles?! I can’t even get the fish fed or litter box cleaned over here Her: oh, no. Not at all. By “she has,” I mean “I care for”
Im right there with you. I didnt want our second dog. My wife was certain she did. Now his seperation anxiety is so bad that hes on puppy prozac and needs something cleaned up every day because we both work. And guess whos doing all the feeding, cleaning, medicine, and baths? Guess who wants to get rid of him? And guess who he follows around and will literally sit on?
Edit: grammar