The point of blaming anybody isn’t really about “blaming” them but understanding the cause of your personal trauma and how you reacted to it. You shouldn’t hold on to your trauma by only blaming someone and stopping your personal growth there. You should work to heal it and better yourself. It is hard to start healing if you don’t know the cause. You have to start somewhere.
A small example from me is I wouldn’t buy tissue to blow my nose because “I don’t need it. I can use some hard ass brown paper towels and hurt my nose and irritate my skin.” I don’t mind buying the soft lotion plus tissue for my family and loved ones, but not myself. Why? I couldn’t understand why I felt this way. I just kind of always felt that way. That I’m not good enough and didn’t want to bother with nicer things for myself because “I’ll make do.” Is this from upbringing? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Self imposed rules because I interpreted other people’s actions and thought I wasn’t good enough. Finding the cause does help people feel better because they can have a better understanding of what to focus on.
So yes it does help me feel better. I now have a thing of tissues at work I use when my nose gets runny instead of making do with rough as paper towels. 😁
That is what I think about. I don’t mean they did the best they could. I’m saying that due to their mentality and personal psychology there were no way for them to act another way. If we turn back time they’d do the same thing as it is what they saw from their personal background. I don’t mean we should understand them and forgive, I just think that we could take the responsibility for our life and get over that trauma and frustration to live further without the feeling that our happiness depends on what our parents did to us in the past. You can have another opinion that’s okay, I just express mine.
I think we both are saying to same thing in different ways. I was just saying blaming someone or finding the source helps to start the healing. It is 100% up to the individual to take responsibility on how they treat people. My older brother has “daddy” issues and tends to blame not getting enough approval for being a mess up. I still blame my brother for not bettering himself since then. He’s in his 40s.
Every generation has trauma they pass down in some way, both known and unknown ways. Most parents do their best and we are all human. We’re bound to make mistakes. It is up to the individual to learn from them though.
The point of blaming anybody isn’t really about “blaming” them but understanding the cause of your personal trauma and how you reacted to it. You shouldn’t hold on to your trauma by only blaming someone and stopping your personal growth there. You should work to heal it and better yourself. It is hard to start healing if you don’t know the cause. You have to start somewhere.
A small example from me is I wouldn’t buy tissue to blow my nose because “I don’t need it. I can use some hard ass brown paper towels and hurt my nose and irritate my skin.” I don’t mind buying the soft lotion plus tissue for my family and loved ones, but not myself. Why? I couldn’t understand why I felt this way. I just kind of always felt that way. That I’m not good enough and didn’t want to bother with nicer things for myself because “I’ll make do.” Is this from upbringing? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Self imposed rules because I interpreted other people’s actions and thought I wasn’t good enough. Finding the cause does help people feel better because they can have a better understanding of what to focus on.
So yes it does help me feel better. I now have a thing of tissues at work I use when my nose gets runny instead of making do with rough as paper towels. 😁
That is what I think about. I don’t mean they did the best they could. I’m saying that due to their mentality and personal psychology there were no way for them to act another way. If we turn back time they’d do the same thing as it is what they saw from their personal background. I don’t mean we should understand them and forgive, I just think that we could take the responsibility for our life and get over that trauma and frustration to live further without the feeling that our happiness depends on what our parents did to us in the past. You can have another opinion that’s okay, I just express mine.
I think we both are saying to same thing in different ways. I was just saying blaming someone or finding the source helps to start the healing. It is 100% up to the individual to take responsibility on how they treat people. My older brother has “daddy” issues and tends to blame not getting enough approval for being a mess up. I still blame my brother for not bettering himself since then. He’s in his 40s.
Every generation has trauma they pass down in some way, both known and unknown ways. Most parents do their best and we are all human. We’re bound to make mistakes. It is up to the individual to learn from them though.
Absolutely