- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion@lemmy.ml
- nottheonion@lemm.ee
- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion@lemmy.ml
- nottheonion@lemm.ee
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I already don’t eat breakfast and I’m still poor, what now WSJ???
Economists hate this one SECRET HACK you can do to avoid poordom. Among investmentology specialists it is a well guarded secret that switching to a making money framework instead of the popular losing money framework has a long term net positive effect on your private economy.
Of course, the answer was right in front of me! I just need to pull on those bootstraps harder
My bootstraps broke when I pulled them harder.
Turns out the local company that made bootstraps for 125 years was bought out by a hedge fund, which promptly fired all of the workers and subcontracted manufacturing to a company in Sri Lanka who could make them much cheaper by using inferior materials and by paying the Sri Lankan workers in 6 months what a fired local worker made in a day.
Ironically, the hedge fund CEO with the MBA he received as a legacy admission to Cornell only wears slippers because fuck you, I’m the boss.
Hold on bucko, the corporate police noticed that you were saying seditious statements about our glorious brand. The shareholders will decide your fate.
It’s treason then
Just eat once a week. Yuge savings
Skip lunch lol
Fasting 🤑
Spare lunch?
Have you tried photosynthesis?
Find a way to eat negative avocado toast in the morning
I think to save money you should skip dinner. Breakfast food is generally cheaper. Big breakfast at 10-11am. Late lunch at 4-5pm and a light dinner if hungry at night is more economical
Time to go one meal a day
Sleep for dinner
Of course this comes from the wall street journal lmao straight propaganda
I’m not religious, but I do feel like writing something like this is comparable to selling your soul to the devil. The person who wrote this abandoned their humanity for capitalists and they should be ashamed.
If they had the capacity to feel shame, I don’t think they would have penned that article. Disgusts me how quickly people abandon humanity for a few schillings
Not religious, but I do believe the author is pegged by the Mammon for lolz and profit
Lmao what the fucking hell. I hope that guy was let go by whatever college he “teaches” at. I put teaches in quotations because I hope they are drug testing that fucker. He took some flaka or something.
He was an economics teacher at a private college. He’s entirely on brand for that school.
that’s the one Bezos bought?
Murdoch owns WSJ, Bezos owns The Washington Post.
I really thought this was satire until your comment.
Who thought this was a good idea to publish…
Tomorrow’s headline, “Millenials are single handedly killing the breakfast industry”.
My prescriptions cost so much too. Maybe I should just stop taking my antidepressants and see how it rides out. .
“If you spiral into the grave, your cost of living goes down by 100%!” - some jackass at the wsj soon, probably
Just take 'em every other day, as a treat!
- DON’T do this!
what would actually happen if you did do this… say for money reasons
Pro-tip: You can save money on living expenses if you just live in a cardboard box by the roadside and die.
Please not by the roadside, noone wants to see your progress to absolute freedom.
That’s illegal in many places. Illegal to be on a roadside, illegal to kill yourself.
“Instead of seeking happiness, save money with misery”
Thank you, I’ve finally achieved Capitalist enlightenment! The secrets of capitalism are mine!
I’m not ready for esoteric capitalism
Struggling to get by? Have you tried forgoing basic needs of survival like food?
" Instead of seeking happiness, save money on pussy" <– what my GF read
The Wall Street Journal is just shitposting for rich people.
Aside from being tone deaf, I think this is bad advice. Common breakfast foods are fairly cheap comparatively and I’m pretty sure most nutritionists recommend eating something for breakfast to kickstart your metabolism. If I were skipping/reducing a meal, it would be lunch.
Gluconeogenesis does that well enough.
Plenty of people don’t eat breakfast. I’ll be nauseous for the rest of the day if I have anything before noon.
Did I just find my people? I thought I was alone. Do I need to look that word up now fuck
It’s basically your liver (and kidneys) pushing glucose into your bloodstream when you wake up. It’s common across nearly all animals. It seems like if your body gets used to not having food first thing, the morning response becomes stronger, and your body takes longer to shift to glucolysis. Which might explain the nausea part if you aren’t used to eating first thing.
I stopped eating breakfast when I left home, so I’m pretty locked in to 2 or even 1 meal a day since I can’t be arsed to waste time eating at lunchtime most days anyway. I make up for it with coffee.
Deployment did it for me :( I don’t mind but when I get hungry for lunch now, it’s a more severe hunger.
I’m the other way around, due to some of the medication I take. Gotta eat with it or I’ll have terrible stomach pains all morning.
Sumaglutide?
lol nah, a medication I’ve been taking most of my life that angers an empty stomach.
My doctor is making me do weight loss (and diabetes avoidance) the natural way, unfortunately.
Wait, my condition has a name?
I only eat one real meal a day and supplement with light snacks and plenty of fluids. As long as that one meal is something of substance and not say, a ramen packet or something like that, I feel pretty good. There are people that do one meal a day with no other food intake at all, too, but that’s a bit low for me.
Best I can do is add some more milk to my coffee.
Hmm, lunch sandwiches are also pretty cheap compared to supper, maybe have lunch for supper then instead?
Well that would just make supper dinner then wouldn’t it?
I don’t think they know about supperdinninses, Pip!
Have you seen the cost of deli meat lately?
To not get murdered, die right now…
They act like most of us even have time to make breakfast like we’re living in some 90’s sitcom
It’s people like you that make me look like an asshole. Every morning I wake up at 3am to squeeze orange juice, make sausage gravy, biscuits, waffles, 5 omelettes, 40 pancakes, 6lbs of bacon, hash browns, buttered toast, and right after my son comes down the stairs, puts his ball cap on, grabs a single piece of bacon, heads out the door in a rush, I chase him down with a PB&J he inevitably always forgets. But it’s not like I want to waste 40lbe of food per day. Some days I just want my son to sit down and eat the 40lbs of food I prepared. He may think I’m overbearing but I’m really overcaring.
What intro was that from? I can’t figure it out :-(
It’s from… “Nondescript White-Ethnocentric Nostalgia Family with Canned Laughter” Good show
Maybe the WSJ has a point; we could save a lot of money if we stopped buying breakfast and just ate the WSJ staff instead
Foodborne illness 🤢
Maybe we should eat billionaires instead
That can’t be sanitary. I mean, who knows what kind of drugs these people take, what kinds of places they have been. People get worried about eating animals that have been given antibiotics, so I can’t imagine that billionaire-meat will get approved for human consumption any time soon. We should probably just euthanize the poor souls and recycle the remains… \s
Turn them into soil. Put them in the ground.
We’ll get sick either way, so better to just take the short pain.
I feel quite hungry lately
I could never eat human meat 😔
True, Elon probably tastes like meth
“We know life is Hard, but have you tried Ultra Hard by skipping the most important meal of the day and starting out famished?”
Off topic but I don’t think breakfast is any more or less important than a meal any other time of the day. Most days I only eat one big meal around dinnertime and maybe have a few bites of some snack throughout the day. I’ve been like that for years now it started from doing 12 hour construction shifts where I’d just work all day with a coffee and maybe an apple or something then eat a big meal once I was home. I don’t do construction anymore but the way I eat stuck with me. It’s probably worth pointing out that I’m very fit and a healthy bodyweight (5’10 152lbs) and I don’t suffer any negative effects from living like this. I’d say I’m healthier than 90% of the people I know.
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Science says nothing of the sort, but marketing certainly does.
Actually, science says he’s right. You should fast at least 16 hour per day.
I’ve never seen this were have you read that ?
For exemple
16/8 is the most common intermittent fasting protocol for begginers. 20/4 is recommended in case of autoimmune disease, to reverse leaky gut and insulin resistance.
Advertising says he’s wrong. Science actually backs him. Look up autophagy and see all the health benefits that you get from a fasted state.
the most important meal of the day bullshit was invented by america, fuckin milk lobby and shit somene else explain it I don’t care enough to
“And while you’re at it, do you really NEED to sleep?”
"In fact, do you even NEED a home? You can just sleep at work like a good little corporate slave! "
might be funny until you know there are actually some people who do this.
There’s a webcomic about a world where almost no one sleeps anymore thanks to a new drug. And they work 16 hours a day.
16 hours a day in a world where no one has to sleep seems wildly optimistic
I hope whoever wrote this trips in their bathroom and gets a severe brain injury.
Man that’s kinda fucked up, who knows if they’d survive getting another brain injury
Can’t get a brain injury if I have no brain…
taps head
I think something like “taps elbow” would be funnier.
Same but for the editor who chose that headline
News sites will do anything to get engagement and attention. ANYTHING.
AIs don’t have a bathroom, or even a brain.
the person who greenlit this article for publishing does
Editor: “I could spend the next 10 minutes reading this article before publishing, or go to lunch early.”
