- cross-posted to:
- theonion@midwest.social
- cross-posted to:
- theonion@midwest.social
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Professor Maxine Welkers of the University of Toronto Economics Dept. explains, “Given Americans’ low literacy rates, costly health insurance, and how much animal shit their FDA allows in their food, Canada annexing the U.S. is really more of a humanitarian gesture.”
That line is gold.
And true.
i don’t want to be in a country with Ohio though
- sincerely, an American
Hey I’m from Ohio D:
I’m so sorry that you’re from Ohio
Hey now, Cincinnati is great. We got chili, we got King’s Island, we got a museum with dinosaurs and a lot of historical stuff too, we got Graeter’s Ice Cream, not exactly unique to Cincinnati but we have a baseball and football team that we feel very strongly about even if they don’t always meet our expectations, we got one of the best zoos and botanical gardens in the United States, while it’s not technically Ohio, we have the Newport Aquarium right across the river, we got all kinds of stuff!
Including corn. God we love corn.
oh, I’ve heard all about your Cincinnati “chili”
Positive things I’m sure. If you don’t enjoy Cincinnati chili, are you even living??
Right guys? Right??
(We also enjoy regular chili, my company has an annual chili cookoff. Not Cincinnati chili, just regular chili)
Is that the chili that’s kind of like a ground beef and bean soup?
Well not really. It is kind of ground beef soup, with a lot of spices added to give it it’s signature flavor. This chili, spaghetti, and cheese is a three-way. If you add beans in the chili (or onion), then it becomes a four-way (or I guess just… chili with beans in it if you put it on anything else?). If you put BOTH beans and onions in it, then it’s a five-way.
🤮
It’ll get renamed to ‘Oh, hi eh!’
Sorry
Easy fix: Dig an Ohio-sized hole, fill Lake Erie back up with water and call it the Gulf of Intelligence.
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I have some bad news
Lol, just Ohio?
Can we make some of them territories so they can’t vote.
The whole thing, can’t risk it. Plus it’s way easier to avoid any attacks on being biased if no.
However, we should make Puerto Rico a province.
Make Puerto Rico their bosses
Hell no. Puerto Ricans overwhelmingly voted for Orange babboon.
Oh booo yea ok fuck ‘em.
That isn’t just voting for the leopard who will eat your face, that’s voting the leopard who has already eaten your face.
Canadian territories get to vote though
Just don’t impose a stamp tax and you should be golden.
What for? Why would anyone want to buy (even for free) 300 million of Americans?
They didn’t say they’d be keeping the people.
just a portion of magats voting would be enough to ruin canada within a decade, unless it’s made only a ‘territory’ with a just single riding (like yukon, nwt, and nunavut each have)
We could let them be a territory for a 150-200 years like they’ve been letting Puerto Rico sit as one. However long it takes for Puerto Rico, add an extra 50 years.
Imagine Canada owning the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park.
We would be undeniably the most beautiful country in the world.
Canada already is undeniably the most beautiful country in the world. We don’t need Yosemite lol
I will take the American doctors please. But not their healthcare system.
Also anyone who is cool and not a narcissistic sociopath is invited too. The rest can be left out of the deal.
“But then Trump went and, to use a macro-economic term, ‘shot America in the dick’. So now it’ll be easier to just buy the whole place.”
The greatest line Carney will ever utter.
Woah is there a clip for this
I wish there was.
Oh shit i’m commenting on a beaverton article
Lol.
New Yorkers rejoice knowing they’re no longer the rudest countrymen now that the Quebecois are included
USA? You mean North Mexico?
Invest in yellow light filters for Hollywood cameras, this shit is loco.
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You really, really don’t want the whole thing.
Just New York, Hawaii, and Alaska. They can keep the rest.
I want California I have always wanted to go there.
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Annex Oregon also!
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I,for one, will welcome our new Canadian overlords with open arms
I would love to be taken over by Canada. Can’t we just give California, Oregon and Washington the Canada please? Like all these MAGAs in the Midwest just love to talk so much shit about California and how terrible it is and how it sucks, so why should they care, right? You’d think they would welcome the idea, right? Oh but we have the big economy, and the ports, and grow a bunch of food, and make a bunch of technology. 🤔🤔🤔
Poutine or Tacos, it’s a win:win
Deep south MAGAts are even worse
We don’t want that dumpster fire. No thank you.
Some of the states are cool. Let MAGA have their own states, so they can find out for themselves how their experiment sucks.
None of the states are cool. Outside of the cities and urban areas its a red majority country. Incredibly racist and misogynist.
MAGA can hop on Elon’s rocket and fuck right off to Mars.
This is like going to the adoption agency and asking for the meanest, most disruptive child and then adopting that one.
Keep it, we’re good.
MY BODY IS READY.
I’ll chug maple syrup. Learn to ride a moose. Whatever it takes. But please make this happen.
In Soviet Canuckistan, moose rides you
Don’t forget the poutine and beer.
Sorry, we can only do with a 4th territory at best.
