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@streetfestival@lemmy.ca to Canada@lemmy.caEnglish • 2 months ago

Canada waiting for US economy to implode enough to make America 11th province

www.thebeaverton.com

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  • cross-posted to:
  • theonion@midwest.social
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Canada waiting for US economy to implode enough to make America 11th province

www.thebeaverton.com

@streetfestival@lemmy.ca to Canada@lemmy.caEnglish • 2 months ago
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  • cross-posted to:
  • theonion@midwest.social
OTTAWA - With the stock market plunged into chaos by U.S. President Donald Trump's sweeping tariffs, Canadians have decided to simply wait out America's forthcoming economic collapse and then buy the nation on the cheap.
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  • Encephalotrocity
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    181•2 months ago

    Professor Maxine Welkers of the University of Toronto Economics Dept. explains, “Given Americans’ low literacy rates, costly health insurance, and how much animal shit their FDA allows in their food, Canada annexing the U.S. is really more of a humanitarian gesture.”

    That line is gold.

    • @pelespirit@sh.itjust.works
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      31•2 months ago

      And true.

  • Match!!
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    56•2 months ago

    i don’t want to be in a country with Ohio though

    • sincerely, an American
    • Denvil
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      17•2 months ago

      Hey I’m from Ohio D:

      • Match!!
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        36•2 months ago

        I’m so sorry that you’re from Ohio

        • Denvil
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          9•2 months ago

          Hey now, Cincinnati is great. We got chili, we got King’s Island, we got a museum with dinosaurs and a lot of historical stuff too, we got Graeter’s Ice Cream, not exactly unique to Cincinnati but we have a baseball and football team that we feel very strongly about even if they don’t always meet our expectations, we got one of the best zoos and botanical gardens in the United States, while it’s not technically Ohio, we have the Newport Aquarium right across the river, we got all kinds of stuff!

          Including corn. God we love corn.

          • Match!!
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            17•
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            2 months ago

            oh, I’ve heard all about your Cincinnati “chili”

            • Denvil
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              7•
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              2 months ago

              Positive things I’m sure. If you don’t enjoy Cincinnati chili, are you even living??

              Right guys? Right??

              (We also enjoy regular chili, my company has an annual chili cookoff. Not Cincinnati chili, just regular chili)

              • @jaybone@lemmy.zip
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                4•2 months ago

                Is that the chili that’s kind of like a ground beef and bean soup?

                • Denvil
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                  3•2 months ago

                  Well not really. It is kind of ground beef soup, with a lot of spices added to give it it’s signature flavor. This chili, spaghetti, and cheese is a three-way. If you add beans in the chili (or onion), then it becomes a four-way (or I guess just… chili with beans in it if you put it on anything else?). If you put BOTH beans and onions in it, then it’s a five-way.

      • Walican132
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        6•2 months ago

        🤮

    • FiveMacs
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      13•2 months ago

      It’ll get renamed to ‘Oh, hi eh!’

      Sorry

    • Rentlar
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      9•2 months ago

      Easy fix: Dig an Ohio-sized hole, fill Lake Erie back up with water and call it the Gulf of Intelligence.

      • @peteyestee@feddit.org
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        1•2 months ago

        deleted by creator

    • @BlueLineBae@midwest.social
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      6•2 months ago

      I have some bad news

    • @melechric@lemmy.world
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      5•2 months ago

      Lol, just Ohio?

  • @Typotyper@sh.itjust.works
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    36•2 months ago

    Can we make some of them territories so they can’t vote.

    • @Soup@lemmy.world
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      17•2 months ago

      The whole thing, can’t risk it. Plus it’s way easier to avoid any attacks on being biased if no.

      However, we should make Puerto Rico a province.

      • @Typotyper@sh.itjust.works
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        9•2 months ago

        Make Puerto Rico their bosses

      • @AwkwardBroccolli@lemmy.ml
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        8•2 months ago

        Hell no. Puerto Ricans overwhelmingly voted for Orange babboon.

        • @Soup@lemmy.world
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          2•2 months ago

          Oh booo yea ok fuck ‘em.

          That isn’t just voting for the leopard who will eat your face, that’s voting the leopard who has already eaten your face.

    • @Kecessa@sh.itjust.works
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      6•2 months ago

      Canadian territories get to vote though

    • @MisterFrog@lemmy.world
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      1•2 months ago

      Just don’t impose a stamp tax and you should be golden.

  • @Lembot_0001@lemm.ee
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    33•2 months ago

    What for? Why would anyone want to buy (even for free) 300 million of Americans?

    • Rhaedas
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      26•2 months ago

      They didn’t say they’d be keeping the people.

      • @adarza@lemmy.ca
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        14•2 months ago

        just a portion of magats voting would be enough to ruin canada within a decade, unless it’s made only a ‘territory’ with a just single riding (like yukon, nwt, and nunavut each have)

        • @NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world
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          5•
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          2 months ago

          We could let them be a territory for a 150-200 years like they’ve been letting Puerto Rico sit as one. However long it takes for Puerto Rico, add an extra 50 years.

    • @wise_pancake@lemmy.ca
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      17•2 months ago

      Imagine Canada owning the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park.

      We would be undeniably the most beautiful country in the world.

      • @rabber@lemmy.ca
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        10•2 months ago

        Canada already is undeniably the most beautiful country in the world. We don’t need Yosemite lol

    • @garbagebagel@lemmy.world
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      8•2 months ago

      I will take the American doctors please. But not their healthcare system.

      Also anyone who is cool and not a narcissistic sociopath is invited too. The rest can be left out of the deal.

  • @HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works
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    33•2 months ago

    “But then Trump went and, to use a macro-economic term, ‘shot America in the dick’. So now it’ll be easier to just buy the whole place.”

    The greatest line Carney will ever utter.

    • @rabber@lemmy.ca
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      6•2 months ago

      Woah is there a clip for this

      • @HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works
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        6•2 months ago

        I wish there was.

        • @rabber@lemmy.ca
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          22•2 months ago

          Oh shit i’m commenting on a beaverton article

          • @HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works
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            4•2 months ago

            Lol.

  • @TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    25•2 months ago

    New Yorkers rejoice knowing they’re no longer the rudest countrymen now that the Quebecois are included

  • @Agent641@lemmy.world
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    24•2 months ago

    USA? You mean North Mexico?

    Invest in yellow light filters for Hollywood cameras, this shit is loco.

    • @peteyestee@feddit.org
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      1•2 months ago

      deleted by creator

  • @inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world
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    23•2 months ago

    You really, really don’t want the whole thing.

    • @Dearche@lemmy.ca
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      1•2 months ago

      Just New York, Hawaii, and Alaska. They can keep the rest.

      • @AlienContact2049@lemmy.ca
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        2•2 months ago

        I want California I have always wanted to go there.

  • @toothandnail@lemm.ee
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    23•2 months ago

    deleted by creator

    • @Amonverite@lemmy.ca
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      5•2 months ago

      Annex Oregon also!

      • @peteyestee@feddit.org
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        1•2 months ago

        deleted by creator

  • @Deadeyegai@lemmy.world
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    22•2 months ago

    I,for one, will welcome our new Canadian overlords with open arms

    • @jaybone@lemmy.zip
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      8•2 months ago

      I would love to be taken over by Canada. Can’t we just give California, Oregon and Washington the Canada please? Like all these MAGAs in the Midwest just love to talk so much shit about California and how terrible it is and how it sucks, so why should they care, right? You’d think they would welcome the idea, right? Oh but we have the big economy, and the ports, and grow a bunch of food, and make a bunch of technology. 🤔🤔🤔

      • @CircaV@lemmy.ca
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        4•2 months ago

        • @rumba@lemmy.zip
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          5•2 months ago

          Poutine or Tacos, it’s a win:win

      • @Amonverite@lemmy.ca
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        1•2 months ago

        Deep south MAGAts are even worse

  • @Montreal_Metro@lemmy.ca
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    17•2 months ago

    We don’t want that dumpster fire. No thank you.

    • @SkyNTP@lemmy.ml
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      9•2 months ago

      Some of the states are cool. Let MAGA have their own states, so they can find out for themselves how their experiment sucks.

      • @AwkwardBroccolli@lemmy.ml
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        10•2 months ago

        None of the states are cool. Outside of the cities and urban areas its a red majority country. Incredibly racist and misogynist.

      • @CircaV@lemmy.ca
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        3•2 months ago

        MAGA can hop on Elon’s rocket and fuck right off to Mars.

  • @mcqtom@lemmy.world
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    16•2 months ago

    This is like going to the adoption agency and asking for the meanest, most disruptive child and then adopting that one.

  • @imrighthere@lemmy.ca
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    13•2 months ago

    Keep it, we’re good.

  • @RangerJosey@lemmy.ml
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    13•2 months ago

    MY BODY IS READY.

    I’ll chug maple syrup. Learn to ride a moose. Whatever it takes. But please make this happen.

    • @Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works
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      7•2 months ago

      In Soviet Canuckistan, moose rides you

    • Ghost (he/any)
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      5•2 months ago

      Don’t forget the poutine and beer.

  • @moonbunny@sh.itjust.works
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    12•2 months ago

    Sorry, we can only do with a 4th territory at best.

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